Autumn

We've had an unseasonably warm (during the day) fall so far, but it gets cool in the evening so it's actually quite perfect.

I went to Goodale Park down in the Short North to take some pics the other day. I think I need to upgrade my camera, but I did end up getting a couple of nice shots.

Really?

I'm losing weight. And it's easy. And I'm not even really exercising. I'm more active (walks in nice weather, walking a little faster than usual when I can, and sprinting to the gate to which my flight has been changed).

I literally just stopped eating foods that are bad for me and eating correct portions. But really I've changed the way I think about food. Food is sustenance. It's not for pleasure. It's not a social event. And I know that I don't have a sense of moderation, so I choose to abstain from foods that are bad for me.

And the weight is falling off. I'm not at the weight I want to be, but really I just feel like I've licked my weight problem. I'm not in an unhealthy relationship. I've got a great job. I have great friends and family. And I'm happy.

And I don't weigh myself. I know that I get obsessed when I weigh. I just don't care about numbers. I just like that I had to buy new jeans and a couple of shirts.

So there you have it...losing weight is easy. Just find your happy place in life and rethink your relationship with food.

Contemplating

Yeah...I haven't posted in a while. I've been a wee bit busy.

So I got a new job (not the one for which I had originally applied). I'm coordinating the new-hire training for the eastern region of the US for the telecommunications company I've worked for since 2005. It's fun, challenging, and will look good on a resume regardless of what I end up doing when I grow up.

The job requires a lot of travel, and surprisingly I like it. After being told that I can't take care of myself and the unspoken expectation was that I would not be able to survive on my own, I'm surviving and, dare I say, thriving.

And I've been single since February, but doing okay. Probably better than okay. I like being single, and always said that it would take someone special for me to settle down. That's probably more true now than ever before. Life is too short to spend in the company of those who don't appreciate you for you. Right now I'm happy to be surrounded with good friends and while I am open to dating, I don't really have time for a serious relationship right now. And I'm reevaluating what I feel about relationships and question my ability to get everything I need from one person. When you free yourself from the expectations that society places on you, it frees you to get what you need from whoever can give it to you. I could probably have great sex with one person but not be that compatible with him as far as dating goes. And I might meet a great guy that I like to spend time with, but who doesn't really do it for me in the bedroom. Why should I have to choose one over the other?

That's pretty much where I am right now, still taking it one day at a time and figuring out what I want.

Limbo

Hmm...Sunday afternoon around 4 PM and I'm sitting in my friend Liz's TV room while her boyfriend tears apart his "man den," all in the name of spring cleaning. Liz is in her bedroom with her cat Grendel, probably taking a nice nap.

I'm sitting here contemplating the future. Over the last week I've moved all of my belongings to a storage unit, save the things that I use every day, and I'm currently living in Liz's guest room. It feels weird to be 35 years old and so out of sorts. I've applied for a job that, if I get, would take me back to Missouri. I haven't lived there since I was 20 years old. Not only have I applied, but I've had three good interviews, the last with the VP of the division where I would be working. A third interview is kind of the holy grail for this company; they usually send one candidate to that interview, at the most two. And since I'm being considered for two different locations, statistically speaking there is a good chance I'll get an offer. But they're dragging their feet and I'm not good for waiting for things like this, especially when so much rides on the decision. If I get the position, I'll be moving to Missouri and will need to find a place to live. If I don't get an offer, I'll be staying in Columbus until I find another job in another state. Yes, I've decided that it's time to move on and try something new, somewhere new.

But in the meantime, I'm very much living in the moment if for no other reason than I can't plan very far ahead right now. I'm typically not much of a planner anyway, but the older I get the more I like to have a plan, even if it's jotted down on a napkin in chocolate.

So...I'm waiting. And not very good at it.

Better Than Lever 2000

see more pwn and owned pictures

Karma

Well...Christy is right. Karma is real. I pointed out her ginormous herpes simplex outbreak on her lower lip last week. Now the Universe is biting me in the ass--this evening I noticed a second head growing out of my neck. It's like I have a conjoined twin who is a very late bloomer. I got a straight pin and was going to do a little surgery, but I'm afraid I'll puncture my jugular vein and get a Darwin Award. I still might do that tomorrow, but just in case I accidentally kill myself, I'm going to write a suicide note blaming people I don't like so their lives will be marred by eternal guilt and self-loathing.

Not Sure If Anyone's Reading...

It's late, the wee hours of a Monday that begins a week I'm dreading a bit. The Steelers won a Superbowl in which I had little interest. No one I knew was having a party, so I spent the evening curled up in my oversized leather chair watching a game I cared little for.

I turned 35 on Thursday. Not a "milestone" birthday, like 30 or 40, but more important than 34 was or 36 likely will be. Truth be told, it was disappointing. On Friday night I met some friends for dinner at The Pub. It was a small group of seven of us, and it was a nice time. But it was noisy and so crowded that you felt guilty for staying any significant length of time. Saturday I only left the house to buy dog food and Sunday Dale cooked breakfast for us. It was low-key, if not boring, weekend.

Tonight as I lay in bed reflecting on the weekend, I wondered why this birthday felt so subdued. It wasn't because I didn't have a party and it wasn't because there weren't gifts (Liz got me gift cards for Bonefish and iTunes). If you can picture a kid left at summer camp having a hard time adjusting suddenly bursting into tears sobbing, "I miss my mommy," that might sum up how I feel.

On my birthday, I miss my mother. When I was a baby, I'm sure my mom reached down and put her finger into my hand and I squeezed it, much like Dale's niece Katelyn squeezed my finger last week. As I look at my hands, I wonder if my mother knew that my little hand would grow big and eventually wipe away tears shed for her. Probably not; I seem to be the only person morbid enough to harbor those kinds of thoughts, and they're probably better kept to myself. But tonight I can't seem to do that.

I remember looking at my mom's hands during the summer of 2007, as she was dying of cancer. I noticed her middle finger was crooked and I then looked at my hands and noticed my middle finger was crooked, too.

"Look, Mom, we have the same hand," I told her. My mom took my hand in hers, for one of the last times and said, "That makes me happy."

It makes me happy too.